about me

I’m a 41 year old Lesbian i live in Va.

Lets go back to the beginning i was borne in Iowa city, Iowa my biological father joined the right after i was born and by the time i was a year old i was Living in Germany, spent a lot of time with my great grand mother and learned to speak German before i spoke good English. we were in Fulda and west Berlin thats been along time ago 71-74 not sure witch one was first any more, then we moved to Ft. Polk La from 74-79 some where in that time i discovered that i had a attraction to women but because the way people talked about that back then i kept it to my self  and learned that i needed to do what society said i was supposed to do.

During this time my mom and my real father got a divorce i was only 5 at the time and when I was about 7 my mom got remarried and all the sudden i had an older brother and 2 younger sisters well my new dad got orders for Germany again so we went to Al where he was from and stayed  with his parents untill he could get us back to Germany My brother ans sisters didnt get to come but on my 10th Birthday we landed in Germany (awesome birthday present) first we were in Schwankfert but soon got transferred to Kitzingen. LOVED IT THERE (i fondly call that my home) and by this time my attraction to women had gotten stronger and there were a few girls i thought were hot but being as i was told that was wrong i usually avoided them like they had some kind of disease ,and I did try to be straight but something was missing i never felt like i was in love with any boy, not that i didnt care about any of my boy friends it just seemed more like a friendship than a relation ship. then by the time i was 14 my dad got out of the army and back to the states we came Back to Al where still i had to hide in my closet because now here  we were in the bible belt My 2 younger sisters came to live with us when i was 15 a freshman in high school.

I knew that i could never tell any one that I was a lesbian and fought it every way i could, when people would talk about gay or lesbians i was always like ewww that is so gross i dont see how any one could do that (in my heart and thoughts i was like hell yea wish i could be like that) on the out side i would say im strictly dickly and stuff like that but on the inside i felt totally different.

I joined the Army My self after i graduated because i knew that would keep me from letting my self do the wrong thing and i would be able to stay straight, still not falling in love with any one (wondering if something was wrong with me because i just could not be in love) I even got married did not love him either but i thought i would learn to love him (that doesn’t work either)

After Both myself and my (NOW) ex got out of the army we moved up here to Va and i was working with this Gay guy we hung out a lot because we got along and for the first time in my life I admitted that i am a lesbian he told me i knew that. i was 27 at that time.

my ex and i separated in 98 and due to the lack of knowing any women who were also lesbians i kept dating guys but still felt no true love.

When i was 32 i had a female friend and yes she is a lesbian and we dated for a while and i peaked  my head out the closet but was not ready to come out to family or some friends and our relationship ended, i told my mom about it and told her i liked it she said NO so i retreated again and me and a male friend moved in together for financial reasons and we lived together until i was 40 and i guess i had just gotten use to him being there so even though i was still not truly in love (not like the love i had with the woman i dated) but after so many years it just seemed like a habit having him there.

Until one morning he told me he was going to get a pack of cigs and didn’t return for 2 days only to tell me he had a new girl friend i was in shock worried about what i was going to do i knew i couldn’t afford where i was living by my self  so when he suggested that he would still live there and continue to pay his part of the bills i agreed , for financial reasons but this time had made a decision i was going to finally come out to every one first i came out on face book and made a lot of new friends but lost some old ones also ( but i have to say obviously they were not true friends) and actually i found support form people i thought would be angry at me for it.

then mom was at the house one day and she was telling me i would meet a nice man again, and I told her I didn’t want to find a nice man i was tired of pretending to be someone i was not, i told her i was looking for a woman again. the conversation ended there and my mom said she had to get home.

I did Meet a beautiful Scottish woman (who lives in England) just when i thought i never would meet any one.

I said Godess pleas let me find a nice woman right before i went to work one day and on the way to work i found a heart shaped rock on the ground so i picked it up and when i got home that evening i had a friend request so i checked her page out and thought she looks cool so i added her.

We got to talking a few days later on private chat on face book and it just seemed like every time we typed something we typed the same thing, i would be looking down at my key board typing and would hit enter and look up and she had already typed that.

we talked for a couple of weeks like that and decided to video chat we started out talking on tiny chat and that’s when i knew this was the woman for me, her beautiful eyes, her sexy accent just knocked me off my feet.

While we were talking one day she told me the day she sent me a friends request she was at work and had wished to find a nice woman to spend her life with, as she left the shop she worked in she looked down and found a heart cut out of paper with lace on it and when she got home that day my name was in her friend suggestions. so she sent it. so i told her my story about the rock i found and with the time difference we figured that we had both asked for it at the same time and found the heart shapes at the same time she was coming home and i was going to work was the only difference.

so we started chatting on skype soon after that conversation at least for several hrs a day then it became an all day thing then on nights where i did not have to work the next day we would spend the night on skype we called it an international sleep overs, and then it went to being together on skype all the time except when one of us was at work and even now we we still do the same i even bought a smart phone and she did to so we could skype each other when we were out and about or at least until the phone battery dies then we have to wait til one of us gets home.

We were planing for her to come for a visit but my ex/roomie decided he was moving out and come to find out he hadnt been paying the electric bill and the electric  was getting ready to be cut off  and with the job i had there is no way i could have paid to keep the electric on and kept the rent up so i had 2 weeks to find a new place to live and all i could afford was to rent a room from some friends of mine. my job keeps cutting my hrs and it is not enough for me to get a new place of my own now, so until i can find a better job and get my own place again that has been put on hold.

Eventually I intend to move over there with her but again that is not going to happen until i can get a better job and save the money so i can move there but she still wants to come here first for a visit so we are working on that one first.

I am fighting hard to get the laws changed here in the U.S. not for me because i still have every intention of moving to England.

But for every one else.

Like my friends Inger, and Philippa Inger Lives here and Philippa Lives in England and they are Legally married in the State of Iowa but because Philippa is from England DOMA will not let her come live here because she is married to a woman she comes for a visit i believe 1  time every 9 months and Inger goes there to visit to but she can not move there because she has a daughter and does not want to take her daughter away from her father (witch i can understand).

I would Love to see Doma REPEALED for that reason and my friends are just one out of  thousands of married couples who can not live together because of doma it breaks my heart that our gov. has a law that destroys families like that some hang in there and  fight it like my friends, and some cant take  and end up no longer wanting to be a family. Doma needs to be repealed.

I would love to see laws where people who bully any one( weather they are straight, Gay, the color of a persons skin, or there religion, short ,tall, fat ,skinny, smart, not so smart………) be able to be sentenced to a jail term if the person they are bulling kills them self, or if they end up killing them through violence weather it is an accident or not they should serve time in jail.

Bulling of ANY kind should not be tolerated its WRONG!!!!

and if i ever hit the Lottery i will use the money to help end DOMA if it is still around at that time, to help fund anti- bulling causes, and Equality causes and then once i get moved to England I will open a NO KILL animal shelter  and save as many animals as i can because i hate seeing that an animal has had to be put to sleep just because the owner no longer wants it.



One thought on “about me

  1. cyberfox666 says:

    Reblogged this on cyberfox666 and commented:
    i love my baby xxxx

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